Boundaries: How Can People React When We Form Boundaries For The First Time?

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Although it is vital for human begins to have boundaries, it doesn’t mean that they always have them. And this could be the case with some areas of their life or it could apply to each and every area of their life.

Ultimately, boundaries protect ones personal space and therefore stop others from doing things that could cause them harm. This doesn’t mean that one will never feel compromised or violated, but through having boundaries, these kinds of experiences are likely to occur a lot less often.

One doesn’t have to live in an environment that is war torn or extremely hostile for instance, in order to be around people who will cause them to feel violated in one way or another. Someone could do something that is not intended to take advantage of another and they could end up feeling this way.

Individual Differences

And this is largely because each one of us is different and therefore feels comfortable with different things. What would be classed as acceptable to one person or in a certain culture might not be acceptable to another person or another culture.

But without even bringing different cultures into this, there are clear differences within the same culture. So one person could have absolutely no intention of infringing on another person space and yet that’s exactly what happens.

While there can be certain things that are generally recognised as inappropriate, there are going to be many others things that are personal and the average person might have no idea as to what these are.

Speaking Up

This is why it is so important that one speaks up and stands their ground during these moments. Another person might be doing something on purpose or they might be completely oblivious, but as long as one notifies the other person, then there is a greater chance that they will stop.

Some people might carry on regardless and if this is the case, alternate action will need to be taken; from evasive action, to help from the authorities. However, when this relates to minor or accidental behaviour from others, the need to be assertive will arise.

Pleasing Others

And in order to do this, one must have their needs at the forefront of their mind and not the needs of another. If one is focused on pleasing another and on not causing any problems for example, then they might let another person walk all over them.

So one must value themselves and their own wellbeing or they could allow another to harm them, just to avoid being rejected or abandoned. This doesn’t mean that being assertive is about one becoming aggressive or manipulative.

Assertive

What it does mean is that one will protect themselves in a way that causes minimal damage to others. In the majority of cases another person won’t be harmed, but if one was in a situation that had put their life or the lives of the people around them at risk, then one might need to go further.

However, it will typically be non violent and will be just be a way for one to look after their own being.

Conflict

So if one already has boundaries and the people around them are aware of this, then there are not going to be many surprises. That is unless one goes into a new environment, but then the people in this new environment might not know what to expect.

When it comes to someone who hasn’t had boundaries and then begins to develop them, the people around them could be in for a big surprise. This is because they will have become comfortable with how one used to behave and now that they are changing, it is likely to create conflict.

In The Beginning

Over time, they might adapt or it could result in the relationship ending completely; it will naturally depend on many factors. But when one has just started to assert their boundaries, there could be resistance from others.

And this is going to be from the people that one spends most of their time with and all because these people are likely to have fixed ideas about what one is or is not like. So: friends, family, their partner and colleagues for example.

Change

If one has let others walk all over them, agreed to do things they didn’t really want to do or let others touch them in ways that are inappropriate, then it is only natural that other people are going to react strongly when one no longer puts up with being treated in these ways.

As a result of one changing, there is as strong chance that the people around them will come on even stronger. This will be done to make one behave in the ways that they used to. And when this does happen, it is likely to be something that happens unconsciously and out of their awareness.

Persistence

So one will need to stand their ground and do their best not to revert to their old ways or behaving. If another continues to behave in the same way and doesn’t change, then one might need to keep their distance or cut them out of their life altogether.

Emotional Experience

On one side will be the emotional experience that one is having through standing their ground. And this could involve feelings of being abandoned and rejected. Because even though one is starting to protect their personal space and doing the right thing, it could also trigger feelings that make them feel as though their survival is at risk.

And on the other side will be the emotional experience of the people that have been used to one having no boundaries. The experience that they have could also include feelings of being rejected and abandoned.

One doesn’t need to have done either, but when one says no to things they would have said yes to, other people can end up having these feelings and taking everything personally. And the feelings they are having could go back to their childhood and be a sign that they need to emotionally separate from their caregivers.

Awareness

So when one forms boundaries for the first time there is going to be ones experience and the experience that another person has. However, one is not responsible for how other people feel and having boundaries means that one is not always going to please others.

One reason why forming boundaries can feel so difficult, even though it is healthy and functional, is due to ones history appearing. If one has not emotionally separated from their caregivers, then to separate from others is going trigger trapped feelings form their childhood that relate to their survival.

The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be required in order for one to release these trapped feelings and emotions. And as this take place, one will find it easier to stand their ground when they need to.

Travel to Canada’s Rocky Mountain Paradise

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Mention the Canadian Rockies, and most people instantly think of Banff. As the main tourist destination in the Rockies, Banff is very much a commercial town geared to tourism. But for those who like their Rockies a little quieter, 250 kilometers north is paradise – the town of Jasper.

July and August are the peak times to visit Jasper, but if you don’t mind colder weather and like your lakes frozen, you can avoid some of the tourists by visiting in the few months either side. The weather can be haphazard, so allow a little flexibility in your plans.

Six kilometers south of Jasper is Whistler Mountain. If you visit early or late in the day, you will most likely hear the melodic sounds made by the whistling marmots living on the lower slopes of the mountain. Early birds can also get cheaper tickets on the Whistler Mountain gondola. The terminus is at 2,500m, with spectacular views south to the Columbia Ice fields, and west to Mount Robson.

For those who prefer to look up at mountains, there are plenty of beautiful lakes close to town, all surrounded by snow topped peaks. Patricia and Pyramid Lakes, 8km north-west of town, are small and quiet. They have beaches just begging for picnickers to sit on them and admire the view after a tranquil lunch. Herds of elk and deer roam the area, and if you’re very lucky, you may spot a coyote or a black bear.

Maligne Lake is south of Jasper, and is the largest of the glacier fed lakes. A boathouse from the 1920s completes the storybook setting. There are a couple of excellent hikes in the area, taking full advantage of the beautiful scenery.

Nearby is Maligne Canyon, a narrow cleft through the rocks filled with roaring water during the spring thaw. It’s also home to a very active herd of big horn sheep, who can jump out of nowhere to startle tourists.

For those visitors who like more leisurely pursuits, it is possible to swim in Lakes Annette and Edith near town. Situated at around 1000m, they are popular during the summer months, although it’s still not advisable to take a lengthy swim in the icy waters.

After a few hard days of sightseeing, go for a leisurely drive about 40km towards Edmonton. At the sleepy little town of Pocahontas (she certainly got around!) take the turnoff to Miette Hot Springs. The renovated spas contain two pools, and are a welcome respite for tired bodies. On the way there you may be lucky enough to see mountain goats beside the road, although they’re more likely to be perched on a cliff high above you.

Another excellent drive is route 93A, which was the original road heading out of Jasper towards Banff. Now preserved as a scenic route, the road offers a number of interesting stops. Keep your eyes open, particularly during the quieter times early and late in the day, because wild life abounds here. Mother bears with their cubs have been seen chomping on berries right beside the road!

The aptly named “Meeting of the Waters” marks the place where two rivers join together. During the spring thaw this meeting can make for spectacular waterworks. Further along, it is worth taking the time to visit Moab Lake. A pleasant walk ends with the magnificently sited lake, mountains hovering in the background.

Skiers visiting in winter will certainly want to make the trip to Marmot Basin, a popular ski resort south of Jasper on 93A. In summer, however, it looks much the same as any other deserted ski field, except for the breathtaking scenery.

One of the final stops before the road rejoins the main highway is the Athabasca Falls. A raging torrent in spring, the fierce waters tumble and crash over hundreds of smoothed boulders. The adventurous can explore further up the river, but wear shoes with a good grip.

When the time comes to leave Jasper, there are two major routes. Those who arrived by train can continue their journey either east to Edmonton and on across the Canadian plains, or west to Vancouver. This route takes you on one of the most spectacular train journeys in the world, with incredible scenery in every direction.

For those travelling by car, allow plenty of time to explore the 230km Ice fields Parkway which connects Jasper to Banff, with a slight detour to Lake Louise. The road follows a valley through the Eastern Mountain Ranges, and offers spectacular scenery and plenty of wildlife. By the end of the day you’ll probably have a stiff neck from craning upwards to see the view.

The Sunwapta Falls are set in chunky terraces of rock, and it’s worth taking a short stroll to the viewing platform. Peyto Lake is a beautiful glacial lake, but should only be visited when the snow clears, otherwise the gentle uphill stroll can become a mammoth battle through waist high snow drifts.

Another beautiful stop is the Tangle Falls. Intrepid visitors can do some exploring here, rewarded by a close up look at the rushing waters. The best known stop, however, is Athabasca Glacier. This glacier has been steadily retreating for years, and there are date markers so you can see the gradual regression. It is possible to take a truck ride on the ice, or you can simply walk from the car park. Be warned – the weather can change very rapidly during your visit, so be prepared.

The Weeping Wall is particularly interesting after or during rain, with thousands of tiny waterfalls pouring down its rough faces. And for those nature lovers with a penchant for moose, try visiting Waterfowl Lake at either end of the day. It’s home to a number of these huge creatures.

The Ice fields Parkway continues on to Lake Louise, the magnificent setting for scenes in the movie “The Bodyguard”. Finally the road reaches Banff, leaving the peace and quiet of the wilder Jasper behind for good.

Exploring the Canadian Rockies is a must for lovers of rugged, mountain scenery. For those who want to experience the Rockies and its wildlife as closely as possible to how it would have been centuries ago, Jasper is the perfect base. The Rockies are waiting for you.